Wednesday 9 May 2012

This is how it works

How to reduce the cost of state services without doing anything about reducing the actual demand

1.  Announce that support that used to be available through home visits will now only be accessible at an office.  But don't worry because there will be offices here, there and everywhere and of course you will be able to get to one!

2.  Wait decent period.  During this time there will be an initial problem whereby lots of people find the new system unworkable. Some of this may end up in the media. Stay firm, see this out, you are nearly there, this too shall pass.   These are but teething troubles and if you don't make any significant changes then they will sort themselves out.  Put your serious face on though and say "we must do better" when asked about it by anyone other than your closest friends and advisors.  Be very careful not to laugh, smile or rub your hands together gleefully while you mutter joyously about savings.

3.  Voila, the pesky people who reckoned they couldn't access the service anymore have gone away and stopped being a bother!  Less cost:  WIN!  Ignore anyone who points out that those people still need the support they just can't access it.  Dazzle them with numbers; savings, number of happy smiley people, number of times the door counter clicked over, that kind of thing. 

4.  Announce that due to the reduced number accessing the support (look, see, numbers!) it's not really necessary to have all those offices here, there and everywhere anymore.  And if we rationalise (ooooh, good word, it sounds so rational!) then we can have bigger better ONE STOP SHOP offices in hub locations that are really good for public transport links and have good coffee machines. 

5.  Wait decent period.  During this time there may be some annoyed people who can't get to the new office, but if they really needed the support they would find a way.  Stay firm, see this out, you are nearly there, this too shall pass, etc etc, blah blah blah see 2 above.

6.  Voila, shed some more of those pesky people who reckoned they needed the support, when clearly they didn't or they would have made more of an effort.  We even offered them a nice coffee and a taxi fare to get home again, I really don't see what else we could have done, isn't it sad that some people can't help us to help them.  Less cost:  DOUBLE WIN!  Any doubters can be waved aside with declarations of Because Numbers! and Wonderful Downward Trend and look how happy that person over there with the free cup of coffee is.

7.  Announce that due to the reduced number accessing the support (look, see, numbers!) it's not really necessary to even have offices anymore, we can do it all over the phone and really most people use the internet nowadays anyway, and we'll make it a free call so you can conduct your private support queries in a phone box, and this way we don't have to fund any wasteful free coffees and taxi fares anymore.  You won't even have to leave the house to get the support you need! 

8.  Wait decent period.  During this time the phone system will inevitably crash, most likely more than once, and of course this will be exactly what those naysayers and boxed in thinkers who objected to this (luddites! technophobes! get into the 21st century, everyone does everything by phone these days sweeties!) said would happen.  Even a stopped clock is right twice a day, and what really matters is how you handle a crisis, not whether or not you could have totally avoided it in the first place.  Stay firm, see this out, you are nearly there, etc etc, blah blah blah see 2 above.

9.  Magnifique!  Even less people accessneed the surface!  This is great!  Oh the efficiencies, the wonderful efficiencies.  And isn't it nice to know that those accessing the service now must really really need it, and I told you there was some fat to be cut and we found it and oh yes did I cut it, and now I don't have to trip over any annoying homeless people when I've finished visiting one of the offices, what a relief.

10.  Take a holiday, you deserve it.

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